Ashes to Soot, addendum

I wrote a little ditty the other day. Sometimes I am so compelled to put finger to keyboard due to a rush of insight or a tidal wave of emotion. But this instance in question was as monumental as the proverbial flood.

I was in the hospital having some tests run. I had been there all the day long. Gawd, I hate these pastel walls and little arrows on the floor. But my stay was almost over after nine grueling hours (or so I had thought).  I was finally released from that tortuous bed of lies, all the rubber straps removed. I was told to walk, but ran instead, straight to the bathroom.

However, as I approached a small curtained room way off in the corner of the ward I paused. For there, in this bed, all alone, in this fragile corner of suffering, was a dear friend I thought healed and happy. She had been fighting that battle royal with the dread melanoma.  She had tried everything, had even gone through trials (sanctioned experiments in all seriousness), as many trials as her immune system allowed. The news had been good last I had heard.  Yea, so I had heard.

Yet here she was, so lost and forlorn, ragged and beaten to the sheets. I called her name and it took an eternity for her to open those piercing blue eyes. Oh damn!  Did I inadvertently call her back from the brink of that abyss she so obviously welcomed in relief? I expected to find pain in that visage but found acceptance instead. She spoke of her struggle, not with "why me's", but with "it was a good fight". Told me that it was almost over, and about the new grandbaby-to-be she would never get to see in person (though I fully believe she has communed with in spirit).

My heart opened up and I gave her my all, anything she needed to ease her way, anything I could do, just anything.  And then I began to bleed. It was like a stigmata. I felt no pain, no worry.  Fear was left far behind me. I held her hand and bled for her. For you see, she was there for a platelet transfusion.

Because I had been gone so long, the nurses had hunted me down. They asked me what I was doing and I said "administering to a friend".  That’s when the blood was spotted and chaos ensued.  Oh yes, I had bled for her indeed.  My femoral artery had blown and I was seeping like a fountain.  They dragged me out of her hands, and all I remember from that point on was pounding fists and screams.  After three more hours of bondage and cussing I sprang up from the bed, albeit in slow motion, and went looking for my friend, but to no avail. She was gone, the bed empty and tidied as if it hadn’t been used for days. What was even stranger was that no one remembered seeing her there. . . .

Ashes to Soot

I looked across the room

and saw mortality looking deep within

the spark of that taper lit, smoke and suet

disguising the lightness of being

that once rushed out to meet life heart first

now, only a flickering behind the screen of shadows

tossing and kneeling in fear

their last grasp a shallow bundle of season

twisted and shorn beyond any semblance of regard

~

I looked across the room

and opened my heart to you

my blood flowing free and smooth

compassion merging with those puddles

leaked of an inertia spent at war with this enemy within

no quarter gained nor forfeit

the truce but a frayed banner stained with time

~

I can't cross this great divide with you

the one that separates the willing from the tired

a whisper from a shout, this tear from an ocean

but I light my candles in celebration to you

your breath fully grounded in love

progeny springing forth from the dust of your passage

a conduit to future memories prevailing in perpetuum....

Rest easy my friend ~ and go with peace