At one point I felt I had finally protected, if not totally cleansed the house of this presence. All doorways, this world or other, were locked and closed. Nothing could enter without my knowing. Safeguards had been posted and armed. I felt I had done all I could to protect myself and mine. I went away for a week, happy and satisfied, ignorant in my bliss. Then I came home….
A visitor had come to call and stay in my absence. Someone from my lover's chequered past. Someone with an aura of violence that clung to him like black and red oil. Someone my lover was terrified of. Someone who looked out at the world with dead, black eyes. Who rarely spoke, who didn't even seem to recognize the presence of any other being on this planet. It seems my safeguards had failed me.
And then all hell broke out….
Do you know what's it like to have your home, your work, your love usurped? By a dead man? Do you know? Can you understand? I bitterly complained to my lover, about his mindless submission to this thing, about our life that was slipping away, about the disgusting state of affairs. About the rediscovered addictions. But his mind and soul were focused rigidly on the rail. Nothing could stir his intent. It was as if I did not exist in that house. Everything was geared towards pleasing this wraith. Every decision my lover made had to be Okayed by HIM. I was left alone, left to watch from the outside as my home and the life I had built was taken from me, minute by miserable minute.
Until one day I had had enough. I came upon my lover kow-towing to this beast, while he sat in a chair in OUR bedroom, his arms crossed, like a pasha. I confronted this demon, confronted him in front of my weakened soul mate. Battled with him for my love. The elements joined in this battle, as they always do. The wind howled, trees brushed and knocked up against the house, the windows. Sirens screeched. People shouting up and down the street. Clouds covered the sun and animals ran. When my anger is up, woe is unto thee that has stirred it. My lover was in terror, for me, for us; of me, of him. "Do not berate him!! Do not make him angry!" Fuck that, he has crossed my line and I will not, I repeat, will not allow this campaign to continue. And the demon sat there, saying nothing, those dead eyes looking into me, through me. I ranted and raged, spit and pointed for almost 30 minutes. My fur was arisen, the hackles were up. I screamed at him every injustice his presence had wrought, of how he had made my lover into a spineless fuck. And damnit! That was my job - who the fuck did he think he was? And oh wait; do I even want this fool you created?! On and on I went, amazing myself at my audacity, thrilling at the venting of all this pent up venom. The Fury was loose and in full glory… He didn't move a muscle, not so much as a twitch. His dead eyes looked out, not seeing, not seeming to care that this mad woman with wild hair was within an inch of striking him dead. But finally at one point he actually turned his head and looked AT me. And that is when I asked him….in a soft voice…"wouldn't you fight, kill, destroy, face the fires of hell, die….for you and yours?" And he spoke, his only utterance during this whole encounter…..
Then he walked out of the room, out of the house and disappeared from our lives.
Aesop Rock - Impossible Kid Tour 7-18-16
1 year ago