I was regaling someone today with woesome tales of my awful willful children, and they said I just had to write this shit down……so here it is in all it's goriness.
I have four boys. You may have seen their pictures in my album. Don't let those angelic looking-at-something-else-to-distract-mom pictures fool you. I know all their tricks…well, at least the ones they've shown me, hehe. I weep and rail, shout and threaten every day of their lives, but do they listen to me??!?~ hell no, it's "yea yea yea mom, where's the cookies". I am so abused~~~whines (please note….look below…I AM not).
I guess I need to introduce them so you can know who I'm telling tales on.
Well, he thinks he's number one. You see, he and I have had that battle since day one. And being a Gemini he thinks he who whines the loudest wins. Well let me tell you something baby boy……he who has the cookies wins! muhahahaha.
You know, I didn't start my life as a dog person. I was most happy bowing down to the felines in my life. Their lordliness was more in keeping with my behind-the-throne machinations. But dogs….in your face, on your grass, lets-wipe-our-mouths-on-your-clothes-when-you-hug-us tricksters. What the fuck was I thinking?!
I bought some land a few years ago, and was immediately told "you must have a dog!"
Well golly-gee, won't my attack cats do the job? I mean, who could possibly withstand the pampered claws of death?
So I put it off, always coming up with an excuse ~~I need to buy a dog house~~ I need to find a spot for a dog bowl~~ I need to move to another state……
Then one day it came, that dreaded phone call…."I found a dog on the side of the road, starving, flea-bitten, scared to death, I'm bringing it over"…..oh god forbid! So he came into my house and was ushered into the bathroom for a bath (those pesky fleas ya know) before I could register it all . And I'm rubbing this half grown puppy, he's whining (Gemini…), not feeling a single bone….only discovered one lone flea in the tub....
I've been had!!!
Where did you get this dog?!
"Oh! We found it walking down the street in this neighborhood".
You kidnapped someone's dog?!?!
"But you need one~~whines" (please note, another Gemini)
~~sigh sigh sigh
So Dexter, that self proclaimed genius of the underground laboratory came to live in ChaCha land. WOE unto me and my kitties. I shall save all my Dexter stories for when I can remember them, hehe. But I shall keep all abreast of continuing developments in the struggle for Alphadom!
Aesop Rock - Impossible Kid Tour 7-18-16
1 year ago